Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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