I'm drive I can fine osifer
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
