I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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