I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
