Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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