one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
