sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
