We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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