I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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