there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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