I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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