now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
