You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
