Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
