so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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