i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize
