Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
