it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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