is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
