Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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