i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
