I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
