watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
