Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
