We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
