So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
