I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
two words...techno handjob
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Randomize
