Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
