...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
