omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
