You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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