I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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