Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
