I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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