I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
