How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
