Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
