yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
