the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
this beer tastes like vomit already
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
