Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
