just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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