I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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