Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
