Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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