i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
