You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
