Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My pussy is not your playground.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
