He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
