you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
