I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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