someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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