Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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