he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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