I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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