If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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