i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
